


Light

by remanth



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-21 03:02:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3674982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remanth/pseuds/remanth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's losing the battle with the Mark</p>
            </blockquote>





	Light

I really think there's a light coming at the end of this tunnel. I've given up hope, though, that's anything good.

_That's hellfire, Dean_

Of course it is. There's really been no other destination for me, not for years now. Not since I sold my soul to save the most important person in my life. I've done things, under the influence of this damn Mark and not, that I'm not proud of. Many of them had to be done. At least I thought so at the time. I can't remember the number of times I've been played.

_I guess we're just a couple of dumbasses_

If only it was that simple. Cas forgives me anything and I still can't believe it. He understands when nearly no one else does. Not even Sam. Then again, several of the decisions I made that came back to bite me in the ass involved him. I can't say I'd do anything different, though. My brother's still up and walking around, free of Lucifer and free of Gadreel. Free of Meg, from the time she'd possessed him. Maybe walking into that hellfire light is the price for my brother's safety.

_You don't think you deserve to be saved_

Damn right I don't. That's the problem with free will and good intentions. You can merrily walk down the path you think is right and think you're doing the good thing. And then it turns out you aren't. The Mark was a means to an end, the death of Abaddon. And Cain tried to warn me, he really did. But I didn't stop to listen, to _think_ , to wonder what being cursed the same as the Father of Murder would do to me. I know Sam's still searching desperately. He believes there's a way out there to fix this.

_We'll figure this out, Dean. I'm not giving up_

I'm losing this battle, Sammy. There's not much time left. You need to start thinking about letting me go. No selling your soul, no Hail Mary pass at the end to save me. I don't want to live as a demon again and I don't think I'm going to survive this. I won't say it out loud, because you won't hear it, but I'll say it here in my head so I know it's been said. Goodbye, Sammy. Take care of yourself. Tell Cas... tell Cas I said goodbye. And I'm sorry.

 

 

_Hello, Squirrel_


End file.
